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Phoenix trading stationery cupboard

Twenty-Three Minutes after Seventh Bell, Morning
Victor Louis recognizes that the rest of me is missing. He emits vocalized expressions of vulgarity, suggesting surprise and/or anger typical of lesser upbringing. He approaches with intent to open me.

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Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██


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Twenty-Two Minutes after Seventh Bell, Morning
Quartermaster Victor Louis enters. Tall, athletic, with a distinct mix of European French and African Negro. Dress and posture of unsightly quality.

6. Object artificially preserved and kept in a standard KIB memorial at Site-57.
7. Copies of documentation on a plaque.
8. Amnesiacs administered to █████ R. ████'s living family and friends.

Sixteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby recovers all but one of me. He expresses polite amusement at my recovery.
I am folded in half.

I'll look into clearing it with the Ethics Committee. And as for the people telling me this should receive full SCP status - it's a fountain that eats your coins. Nothing more. - Dr. Ryken

Entry Portrayal: An antique lexicon which necessitates readers to communicate in unnecessary serpentine synonyms after perusing it. Periodically synonyms interdict the prepense definition.
Occasion of Retrieval: 68-57-69██ .
Venue of Retrieval: ██████ Athenaeum, Romania
Contemporary State: In stockpile
Notation: Human resources who I toil with are now necessitated to use dictionaries when in a tête-à-tête with me. - Dr. M██████

Fifteen Minutes After Third Bell, Evening
Bertrand Bartleby enters. Pale, stout, and doughy as a Yorkshire Dumpling. Dress of fine quality. Posture of a well-bred and educated gentleman.

The corpse of █████ R. ████, a former filing assistant for the Foundation who was KIB on 56-57-7567. Any text about the object will be altered immediately after writing to be more organized, often to an inflated or unnecessary degree.

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